Returning to Work After Maternity Leave: The Fears No One Talks About (And What to Do About Them)

There's a particular kind of dread that settles in a few weeks before your return-to-work date. Some mothers might be thinking they wish they could stay on maternity leave for ever, whilst others might be counting down the days/hours/seconds until they can begin their commute into work again and have 5 minutes of peace. Regardless of which mother you are (I was 100% the second), the dread I’m talking about is still present. You might not even be able to name it exactly. It's part anxiety, part grief, part something-you-can't-quite-put-your-finger-on. You find yourself lying awake at 2am running through scenarios. What if I can't keep up? What if I cry in a meeting? What if I’ve chosen a terrible nursery? What if nobody takes me seriously anymore?

If any of that sounds familiar — you are not alone. Returning to work after maternity leave is one of the biggest transitions a woman can make. I’m not just talking about the logistical challenges of making sure the car seat is in the right car, working out what to do when the train is delayed and you can’t do pick up. I’m talking about identity changes as well. You went away as one version of yourself and you are coming back as someone who has been fundamentally changed. Of course it’s absolutely terrifying.

These fears are normal. What matters though is what you do with them.

The Fears Women Have Returning to Work After Maternity Leave

‘I've lost my confidence’

This is the one I hear most often. Women who were capable, respected and high-performing before maternity leave suddenly find themselves questioning whether they still have what it takes. Here's the truth: your skills haven't evaporated. They’ve massively multiplied. One of my coaching clients said that she’d become the CEO of her family whilst she was on maternity leave and that she’d had to learn so many new skills just to cope day to day. For 12 months you’ve been raising a baby that makes all the challenging people you’ve managed in the past look like absolute angels. But your world has been so completely consumed by caring for another human being that there hasn't been much space to remember who you are professionally. That confidence isn't gone — it's just been dormant for a while.

‘I've missed too much. I won't know what's going on.’

Industries move forward. Teams change. Systems get updated. And yes, you will have some catching up to do and most likely learn some new tech. But the depth of knowledge, the relationships, the instincts you built before you left? Those don't disappear. You are not starting from zero even if you feel like you are.

‘People will see me differently now — as less serious, less ambitious.’

The motherhood penalty is real, and it's legitimate to be worried about it. I struggled hugely with leaving bang on 5 o’clock and thinking that everyone was judging me (though my downfall was that I then started work again as soon as my son was in bed which meant I never switched off).  Some workplaces, and some managers, do unconsciously (or consciously) make assumptions about what a mother wants from her career. This is something worth addressing head-on — more on that below.

‘I won't be able to 'switch off' from being a mum.’

Many women worry they'll be distracted at work, or that they won't be able to compartmentalise. The truth is, the first few weeks of being back are an adjustment for everyone — you, your baby, your partner, your chosen nursery, your workplace. It takes time and it’s not going to be perfect straight away. That's not weakness; it's transition.

‘I don't know who I am at work anymore.’

Perhaps the deepest fear of all and the crux of a lot of the issues my clients come to coaching with. Maternity leave gives you time to become completely absorbed in a new identity — mother. Stepping back into professional life means navigating who you are now that you're holding both. Many women find their values have shifted. What they want from their career has changed. They feel out of step with the person they were before. This isn’t a problem that needs fixing, it’s an opportunity to really get clear on what you want now.  All of these fears are valid. All of them are widely shared. And none of them mean you're not ready or that your return to work will be a nightmare.

What You Can Do Before You Go Back

Brutal honesty here - preparation doesn't make the transition painless. It will still be difficult and stressful and you’ll still have doubts about whether you are doing the right thing. But preparation can make it more manageable and make the first few weeks feel less challenging. Here are the things that will genuinely help.

1. Have an honest conversation with your partner about how home life will actually work

This is the one most couples skip (my partner and I certainly did) — and it's the one that causes the most friction in those first few months back. Lou Beckett writes brilliantly about this in her incredibly relatable book ‘Default Parent.’ If you only take one thing from reading this article, make sure it’s this: buy her book.

Before you return, sit down together and map out the practical reality: school runs, sick days, nursery pick-ups, GP appointments, packed lunches, the mental load of remembering all of it. Who does what, and what happens when plans fall through? What do you do if you’ve both got important meetings on the day that your child is sick? Whose job offers them more flexibility? Which of you will lose money if they have to take the day off for a sick child? If you've been the default parent throughout maternity leave, the assumption — often unconscious on both sides — can be that this continues when you return. It doesn't have to. But if you don't have the conversation explicitly, things tend to default to whoever has been doing them. Speak up from the start and make things easier.

This is also the moment to talk about the mental load — the invisible, relentless cognitive labour of managing a household and a child. Research consistently shows that women carry a disproportionate amount of it, even in households where both partners work full-time. Naming it makes it shareable. However, again this is the time for brutal honesty. I don’t think I’ve ever met a mother who, despite having regular conversations with their other half, still doesn’t feel that they’re the ones mainly carrying the mental load to some extent. Conversations of course help, and you can certainly take various actions to lessen the load. However, I am yet to find the miracle cure to remove it altogether!    

2. Get clear on what you want your life to look like now

Maternity leave can quietly shift what you want. The career you were building before might still feel exactly right — or it might feel slightly off-centre in a way you can't yet articulate. Before you go back, give yourself the time and space to ask: What do I actually want now? Not what you think you should want. Not what you wanted three years ago. What feels meaningful and workable now, given who you are and the realities of your current life? This doesn't have to result in a dramatic pivot. It might just be a clearer sense of what you're walking back towards, which makes the walking considerably easier.

3. Accept that the first few months will be hard — and plan for it

Not to dampen your enthusiasm, but: the first few months back are almost always hard. There's the emotional adjustment, the logistical juggle, the sheer exhaustion of being switched on in two places at once. The women who navigate this best aren't the ones who try to make it look effortless. They're the ones who planned for it. Practically, this might mean:

• Batch cooking and meal prepping on weekends so weeknight dinners don't add to the mental load.

• Setting up backup childcare — a trusted person who can step in when your child is unwell and both you and your partner have something crucial on at work.

• Reducing decision fatigue wherever you can (planning your work clothes in advance, pre-planned weekly routines, a 10-minute catch-up with your other half on Sunday just to check who is doing drop off/pick up on what days).

• Building in recovery time — I know this is easier said than done, but just 20 minutes to yourself can make the world of difference.

Lower the bar for what ‘doing well’ looks like in those first few months. I guarantee you that no one will notice that you’ve changed your standards temporarily. You are not failing if the house isn't tidy. You are not failing if you're tired. You are in a transition. Transitions are hard. That is normal.

4. Have a real conversation with your manager before you go back

Don't just do the KIT days and drift back in. Before your return date, ask for a proper conversation with your manager about what coming back will actually look like.Some things worth covering:

• What's changed in the team, the business, the systems, the priorities — so you're not walking in blind.

• What's expected of you in the first few weeks — returning from leave is not the moment for your biggest piece of work.

• Flexibility and working patterns — if you need adjusted hours or a phased return, this is the time to negotiate it, not after you're already back.

• Work load – if you’ve gone back part time, make sure your work load has been changed. Ask how they are planning to change it given you are doing less hours. Make it clear from the start that you can’t do the same amount of work in fewer days (sounds blatantly obvious, but you’d be surprised how many employers don’t make any changes at all).

• How your role and ambitions are being thought about — don't wait and hope no-one's quietly written off your career progression. Name it.

Fingers crossed that you have a wonderfully supportive manager and therefore none of this needs saying. But having the conversation ensures you're both working from the same picture from the very start.

5. Reconnect with your professional identity before you walk back through the door

One of the most overlooked parts of return-to-work preparation is the internal one. Read back through your CV and remind yourself of what you've achieved. Revisit your strengths — not because you've lost them, but because you may have forgotten them. You are not a different person. You are an expanded one. The skills, the experience, the capacity you had before are still there. They're just sitting underneath several months of sleeplessness and a completely different, but equally valuable, skill set. Remember who are you professionally and what you’ve achieved. And make sure you do it before you go back to work, not on the actual day.

6. Find your people

Returning to work after maternity leave can feel surprisingly isolating. You're not quite the person you were before you left, and you may find that the conversations you once had — career planning, ambition, what's next — feel slightly strange now. Finding other women who are navigating the same thing (a return-to-work peer group, a coaching programme, even an online community) can make an enormous difference. Not because misery loves company, but because naming your experience out loud, with people who understand it and have gone through it, takes away a lot of its power.

A Final Note

Going back to work after maternity leave is not about returning to who you were. It's about stepping forward as who you are now — a professional and a mother, and working out how they fit together. It will be messy. Some days will be harder than you expected. And some days, you will surprise yourself completely. You are far more capable than the 2am, sleep deprived, slightly delirious version of yourself believes.